Over the 21 years that we have been working with clients, we have discovered that our most successful clients are those that also have a great relationship – with themselves and with their life partner.
How you think about money and more particularly how you discuss money can have a huge impact on the success of your relationship.
Money can be hard to talk about .
People have different approaches to money, different beliefs, different experiences and expectations from money.
But if you are going to build a life together, money has to get involved, and it makes sense to get it sorted out earlier rather than later.
Money is one of the main causes of divorce – and this applies to people who have money and those who don’t. It comes down to the different approaches to money. A study from Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University discovered that:
Couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than those who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month. Read the New York Times Article here.
We aren’t sure whether working with us – and formally talking about their money strengthens our clients relationships, or whether they work with us because they are committed to having a fantastic relationship.
But it doesn’t really matter, because it works.
We now learn more about how our clients feel about money, what their past experiences with money have been, and that helps with each person in a couple understanding more about the other person, as well as helping us to understand how our clients interpret the world.
A recent New York Times Article made some suggestions for making sure that money doesn’t damage your relationship,
- If you need to, make a formal time to talk about money – every month – like a date night, but make it a money night
- Understand about each others attitude to money and any experiences that person has had that might impact on their relationship with money
- Don’t with-hold information. Money is intimate and we are taught to be secretive about it. But this is your committed relationship – share, it increases your intimacy.
- Understand that your way isn’t the only way. Just because you have different ‘jam jars’ for different things, it doesn’t mean that your partner thinks like this. Be flexible in understanding their approach.
- Take time to dream. Think about your future. What does it look like? How do you get there?
- Keep it light and laugh about it. This is also the easiest way to think about what would happen if one of you got really sick, or died. Good taste humour can make it more fun to discuss.
Read the article here. Navigating the Financial Side of a Relationship – The New York Times.
Talk about your money, share your dreams, find a set up that works for you.
Some of our clients manage their money separately, but make contributions to mutual items based on their earning ability.
Some of our clients pool all money, but have a regular ‘allowance’ that can be spent with no questions asked.
Many (most) of our clients pool everything and have that level of intimacy, communication and trust where it all works out.
The key is that you can’t ignore money.
Maybe, the other key is that the formal structure of working with us every year is what makes it work.
If you don’t already work with us and you are ready to take that step, Book in a 45 minute Financial Strategy Session by clicking here.
For more blog entries that you might be interested in:
By Carey Church